I have once again come to a place in my life where I stop and ask myself… “Is this really where I am supposed to be at this point in my life?”
I used to think that was a bad place to be but after many years of walking through all types of situations I am confident that this is a good thing and is actually a healthy place to be. Life hands us many different things and how we choose to deal with them ultimately shape and mold who we are and how we are viewed by others. Now I know what others think is not how we should make our decisions, but it does tend to drive us into directions we normally would not have taken. We stop and think about where we are and at that time we make up our minds if we have been successful or if we have been a failure. The spectrum of my life has been one of happiness, frustration, joy, sorrow, uncertainty and fulfillment. When I graduated from Bible School, I was determined to turn the world upside down for Jesus. The problem with that was I was going to do it on my talents alone and hope God was coming along for the ride. Unfortunately for me I have always been one that was always able to just do things without much practice or study. I say “unfortunately “because looking back, I would have rather been a person who studied and practiced and put in the time required to make things right. You can only make it so far on “Talent and Ability “before you become useless.
My entire life growing up I knew I was called by God for the Ministry. I had been told time after time that I was going to be used by God and that I would do great things for the Kingdom of God. Problem is, I believed that to be true because I was so special and not because of any special gifting from God. I was blinded to the fact that to be a Great Man of God, I had to do things that required work, sacrifice and commitment. Now don’t get me wrong, I was taught by many around me, and especially those who were speaking into my life, My Parents, My Pastor and Youth Pastor how to properly live and prepare as a minister, but for some reason I found all that preparation and practice and studying to be something that I did not enjoy so I completely abandoned that way of doing things and Ministered, Sang and performed my duties as a pastor on my own natural abilities and talents. During that period of time it seemed to me that since things were going ok that way, why should I have to change? People were getting ministered to, people were getting saved even. I was so deceived and eventually, it took its toll. I was operating totally by the Grace of God not for my sake but for the sake of those I was responsible for. Ultimately I was left with talents and ability alone and I had no choice but to seek a regular job. Thanks to the Grace of God, He has always provided opportunities and I have been able to work and provide for my family. But there has always been something missing and I have refused to let go of that calling on my life. I can relate with David to some extent. I have not sunk as low as he did (committing murder and adultery) but in the grand scheme of things, Sin is Sin and God hates the planning and committing of Sin.
Proverbs 6:16-19 (King James Version)
16 These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
17 A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
18 An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
19 A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.
Zechariah 8:17 (King James Version)
17 And let none of you imagine evil in your hearts against his neighbor; and love no false oath: for all these are things that I hate, saith the LORD.
Psalm 5:5 (King James Version)
5 The foolish shall not stand in thy sight: thou hatest all workers of iniquity.
I eventually found myself after many years of being out of full-time ministry that life was not so bad and I had allowed myself to accept my circumstances and just try to make the best of what I had and the situation I have driven my life to. One thing I have been able to do through the years of being frustrated, is realize it is because of me and the choices I made that I am where I am today. It is not God’s fault or anyone else but me. The few attempts I had made to put my foot back in the door of ministry, ended in failure. Again I tried to do it under my own ability and strength and not on the direction of the Holy Spirit. I had given up on the local church and believed that I could just work out what I needed to with God on my own. I had never stopped believing and I always knew that without God I had nothing and I believe because of that He chose to bless me with such a wonderful wife and family. I have a wife who has never given up on me and has never made me feel like I failed. Why did I deserve that? Only God knows but I am so grateful for her and now we have two very beautiful children who are the joy of our lives.
Something I had to realize…. I am responsible to my family first and have to be the Man God desires me to be as an example to them before I can be anything to anyone else. Learning that has been the key to overcoming the obstacles keeping me from ministry and the call of God on my life. I cannot do it on my own or under my own power. None of us can. Talent will only take you so far. What did God say about David? He was a man after God’s own heart. We have got to be about one thing. After God’s Heart!!! This is the base of which we all must start and continue to be. I have one desire... That is to Follow Christ and in doing that everything will be where it needs to be. I cannot look at what others are doing and their successes and wonder why I am not doing some of the same things knowing that is what I was and am called to do. I can only continue to Seek Him first and study the Word and prepare myself for that moment that the door opens again and I am able to be what God intended for me to be. God honors obedience and thankfully his Grace is sufficient when we do slip and fall. When you fail and you will, get up, brush yourself off and march forward. My daughter just got her first bicycle and is learning to ride. She was riding along and veered off the sidewalk into the grass and she fell over. After falling, she got up and looked at the bicycle and was not sure if she wanted to get back on and ride again. She was scared because she had veered off the path and it caused her to fall. She has to know that all she has to do is get back on the bicycle and keep trying. The same is for you and me. When we veer off the path and fall, we have to know that God is standing there with his hand stretched out just waiting for us to grab ahold so we can get off the ground and back on the path. I noticed when she was riding that she was going all over the place because she is not only trying to steer the bicycle but she is looking at all the things around her that are ultimately distracting her as she goes along the path. There are always going to be distractions as we walk further with God, but it is how we handle those distractions that will determine the outcome. Keep your eyes focused on the Prize. Philippians 3:14 “I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus”.
Can I Get A Witness?
K
